Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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