I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
