I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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