Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
