ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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