So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
