Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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