I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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