so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
