I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
