from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
