He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
