On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you win again, gameday.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will pee on everything he values.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
