it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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