I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
