apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
