So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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