there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
