you traded sex for a burrito?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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