Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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