I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
