I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
