Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
