its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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