My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
