'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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