Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
