I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
