I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
