Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
