Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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