STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
