Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
