I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
