Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
