hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
