Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
