I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
