I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You pole danced in your parka.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
