Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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