No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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