He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
