You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
