I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
