We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
