you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
