the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
