Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
