You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
