he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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