They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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