Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
