btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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