All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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