I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
