school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
