last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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