Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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