So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
