A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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