So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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