oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
