Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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