That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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