That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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