That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
