I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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