so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
