im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
