So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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