omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
