Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
