someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
