I puked a lego.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
